Thursday, May 16, 2013

Roller Coaster Ride

A roller coaster ride. Yes! That pretty much describes what my life has been like for the past few months. Things start to calm down and seem to have some kind of normalcy about them only to be turned upside down again. Mom's health is of course the main issue. She seems to get 'better' least as much as she can, and then she takes a nose dive and seems on the brink of death. The nurses say she is like a cat with nine lives. There have been several nights when they didn't think she would make it through the night, only to find her a thousand times better the next morning. The brain is a complete mystery. At any rate, running back and forth to the nursing home now for the past 7 months is wearing me down. I am starting to feel drained and tired. Household chores seem like major burdens some days. It seems like there is so much to do and not enough hours to get it all done but somehow it does get done. My emotions seem through the roof as well. Simple commercials make me cry. Seeing my mom in her current state is very depressing but I have done and am doing all that I can for her. She is well taken care of and comfortable. That counts, doesn't it? I don't know how her mind is working now. What can she remember? What does she think about? Does she think at all? She is talking to family members who are dead. She sees people and things in the room that nobody else can see. Some days I just want to block all of this out. Take a vacation. Go shopping. Read a book. Play games. When you add all of this to working on projects for Crimson Cactus and keeping up with family and the house, it is sometimes just plain overwhelming. Then, I see the news and find that while I may have a lot on my plate, it pales in comparison to what some are going through right now. I have to just stop and be thankful for all that I have. God is with me through all of this and won't let me down. My cup runneth over.

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